I sit, writing in pure mental limbo, with a glass of wine, work, and my thoughts. Its late but my mind is running by the millisecond (a trait that drives me crazy) so I figured it was the perfect time for a tea post.
So I’ll just start, whats going on with Brittiny behind the scenes of the blog photos ? Again, limbo, one week I will be totally fine and the next I’m completely lost searching for things I know I don’t want. This week has been filled with a search to fill a void that has sat with me. That void is actually the reason I ended up doing work on a saturday night, im cool with that though…
That was actually something I started on 11/30 and I decided to keep it because all that is mentioned above remains relevant. No wine this time, I opted for a white chocolate mocha and a Spotify playlist solely dedicated to my blog work. Song 1 DMX- Slippin, Song 2 DJ Quik- I Don’t Wanna Party Wit U, Song 3 Eve- Let Me Blow Ya Mind, Song 4 India Arie- Video starter pack just in case you need to make one.
The void and limbo is settled similar to that of still waters and I can thank myself for that. At the young tender age of 25 so many young women go through mental instability due to that you need to have it figured out thought. I need a good job, I need a man, I need a car, I need nice clothes, I need a bunch of crap that doesn’t bring you or me one step closer to happiness. I was literally fed the fuck up and on 11/30 I stopped writing my scattered thoughts and decided to snap back to my reality.
I couldn’t explain why I was searching because I didn’t need anything. I went to sleep that night and told myself I needed to just stop. I literally said aloud ‘you don’t want that’ and that was my fresh start. I couldn’t let myself end the year distracted when I have so much work to do.
I am still living the fresh start. I stay fresh by continuing to remind myself of everything I have. On twitter I decided to do a 30 days of gratitude challenge which is a not so easy way to stay accountable. Have you ever tried to really acknowledge what you are grateful for everyday? I have a ton of things but honestly I draw blanks and its only day 7. I pray everyday and thanking God has become an effortless process, but pulling out the little things is a bit tougher for me. I am happy cause now I know I have soul + self searching to do. I’m not sure if effortless praying is a good thing. Another way I have kept this fresh start going is constant self-satisfaction. I do not want to look to others or things to fill voids within myself. You know this but it’s a different thing to be brave and practice it. I have tried to shift my focus on myself and really just be happy with me. Like, I be happy but when I’m distracted that ‘need’ for something or someone creeps up. We then turn to instagram or social media for some type of entertainment/validation which is the last place you need to go. Its interesting, social media can often make a void bigger which is a true testament of how much work is to be done in our generation. Personally, I cannot live like that, I refuse to be distracted from my greatness . Stay fresh with yourself and realize you are perfect in the eyes of God- that’s all that matters. Stay away from negative ass people who have the energy to tell you lies and remind them they could be being great too.
So yes the void and limbo was a facade. No part of me is empty, I’m hella full with life and love. Limbo is for the birds cause my purpose is revealing itself day after day. My dreams are so big letting negative emotions and energy captivate me is not the path. I’m rejuvenated with fresh-ness. Ladies, stay fresh with your life, intentions, and thoughts. I’m not talking instagram quotes- really live and look inside yourself for love.